haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
