he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
