what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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