I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize