I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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