just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
