dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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