Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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