First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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