It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
