I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
