im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Randomize
