I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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