I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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