fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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