I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize
