This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
