lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
