last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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