I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
