Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
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Just invented taco cereal.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
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Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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