Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
