been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
