I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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