Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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