it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
