I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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