Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
