I haven't been this sober since birth.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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