a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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