the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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