Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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