i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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