so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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