that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
