sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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