On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
