My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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