Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
