This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
God, I missed his penis.
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