If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
