If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
