living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
