I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
