i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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