remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
pray to the hookup gods
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
