I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Randomize
