You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
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When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
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Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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