haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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