I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
