you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
