What a fucking waste of an outfit
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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