Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
