are you so shy because you have an std?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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