Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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