if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
