Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
