Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
