did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
