Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
