I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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