if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
