The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
