Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
