yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I love you.
Bad choice
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
