The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
