I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I wear drunk well.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
