I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
