I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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