Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
