i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
