There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
