i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
