I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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