he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I'm always down for nudity.
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