Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
