right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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