You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
