when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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