Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I had to cum in my sink.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
