if you like me you must not know who I am
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
