Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
